The Champagne Soapbox

Dear voyeur,

I think about looking through your windows, just to see if you clean your dishes when you come home or if you finish them after you sit-down to eat. If I think of you enough, would you think of me as more than just a memory? You keep our shallow time together as a reference for your deep fantasy. Something to replicate when the girl on the street looks a bit like me, someone a bit easier maybe. That’s not a bad thing by the way. I’m justtoohardonmyself for anything about me to be as simple as easy. I keep my place clean waiting for someone to come home just to make it dirty.

At the right place and right time, I’ll gift you a peek.

The person above me is moving out today. They would vacuum in the mornings and passivishly encourage me to get out of bed. My mom never rushed me to be up, so I roll around until someone expects me. The couple below me moved out too. I still make steps on the ball of my feet. I float around my apartment and to other people’s places like my laugh is an echo and my only question is “do i really exist to you” or are you just a fragment of my reflection. me, me, me.

They’re as real as they want to be.

Down the street, I’m considered the girl next door. On this train, I’m considered a girl who thinks of the whole world. I feel the car shake with the environment, and I think about how this life wasn’t free and the guy next to me might consider me to be a girl whose skin would look good by a pool. That’s not a bad thing by the way. I’m too hard on myself for anything about me to be free.

Life can be easy when I allow it be.

The clouds looked like mountains. She’s thunderstorms, coming from heaven and wrapping around you like a wet blanket. Slapping her feet on the ground allofasudden because she learned that no one listens to the sounds she makes. The people around her moved away.

The clouds look like mountains. I feel like thunderstorms today, coming from hell and surrounding people with noise. I rumble words from my tongue and my stomach growls. People don’t expect me to snap, but I wake up in a pool of sweat and my bed on fire and I swim to the bottom of the flames and feel sad and happy at the same time that two opposites can coexist simultaneous to each other.

The clouds looked like mountains. I feel electric today. I woke myself up in the middle of the night sweating. I looked at how skinny I was in the mirror and smiled. Desire’s baring teeth,bitingintome and it hurts buthesaid he was kindointo mesoiletitbelettheemotionsrevealthemself during my timeof the week – at least that’s what he thinks. What are you thinking my maybe baby? My neighbor hasn’t seen me lately. All of guys tell me lies I fantasize growing into a smaller waist size. I forget the last time i cried because it was unproductive and it lacked the structure of KPI’s.

No one asks me what the weather is. I always ask the question and give the answer, and my friends listen to my noises and smile. I like to picture life from another person’s eyes. What they see when they fantasize, if they do – do they criticize myself in the same perspective as mine. Trees flow by I can’t ask why I don’t feel sad so I wonder why I consider old friends acquaintances and guys as a general disguise for why I feel like love is a prize.

All I ever wanted

was to do as i wanted.

Maybe sometimes that means that i want to be wanted.

After all that self-mercy its easy to love me so consider yourself lucky

i’m going to let down my hair

break things in here stomp around and scream in my under-

wear opened the window and saw him across the street just to match me in my sneaky stare

am i here or there do you hear me or do i just listen to myself scream at the walls and watch how my body moves in the reflection of my mirror?

we both enjoy this carousel, fair enough going up and down between here nor there.